I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
