Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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