My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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