my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
