My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
