i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
