maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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