You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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