she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
