I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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