Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
