All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
