My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think I won the penis lottery.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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