Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
