This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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