Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize