I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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