How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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