you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
