He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I want a musical about memes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
