im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
