Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
