i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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