i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
why is half of my head shaved?
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