So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
