i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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