I look better un-naked...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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