I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
