She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
