apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
