he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
