I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
