Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
