I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
