He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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