Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
