I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
please don't ironically join a cult
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