Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
