One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
