i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
