Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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