Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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