in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
