You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
