Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
