just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I supernannyed him into submission
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
