Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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