I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
