It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize