Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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