Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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