frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
