I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sober January is a disaster.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
