I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
