this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
