my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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