you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
