and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
