i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
