dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm always down for nudity.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
