??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
