The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
