It's Friday. Sex?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
