I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Your penis caused this!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
