Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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