My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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