no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
