Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
