how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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