What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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