Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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